RealityRamblings

Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.

+catcher in the rye.

i wish i could go back to late april or the entire month of may. that way, i could avoid everything that occurred and things would be the same. i would’ve never experienced crazy happiness only to be let down hard. life would be so much easier if i could change may. everything that went down in may i’m not ok with. if only i could change it, swallow my pride and sort it all out with those that i thought meant the most to me i could be looking at a different life. i’m not so sure i would want that though. i’m content with how things are right now with certain people. i had hopes for may, but once again i got let down. i should be used to this type of thing, but naturally i’m not. its crazy that a friendship of two years and a fling of three weeks all ended in a single week. i knew the friendship was gone, but it seemed that may just finalized it all. would i really want to be friends with you again and be terribly miserable..no, probably not. but there are still certain things that i do, or places that i go to, or music that comes up on the radio that bring back those memories of that brilliant friendship that ended so sourly. we never even had a falling out, it just seemed gradual. we fell apart and away from each other and never cared to put the pieces back.

i wish i could’ve changed may, but instead, may changed me.

"you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened...or you can jus leave the pieces on the floor and move on."

Have you ever hit it off so well with someone you’ve wondered why you’ve never crossed paths before? I’m starting to firmly believe that people come in and out of our life for a certain purpose. Some people are here to teach you friendship, or here to help you understand heartbreak,to help you deal with disappointment or loss. Maybe they’re here to show you how to love unconditionally, how to stare down fear in the eye. Of course, the majority of people who you cross paths with are here to help you laugh and create happiness. I can say with certainty that every single person who has come into my life and exited has taught me a lesson.

ten in a month and a half. i'm shooting for fifteen more. i can do it.

(815):Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.

debating whether to start one or not?

Just a brief update of my life:

• I worked yesterday and something fantastic happened. A little mexican boy pulled the fire alarm! We had to get all of our customers out of the store and evacuate from the mall. Once we saw that there was no fire, we went back inside to an angry security director who said we didn't do the right thing by locking our doors. So you're telling me that we were supposed to leave a clothing store, full of merchandise, unlocked? My managers were not happy with this crazy man. Then the fire chief came. He said we did the right thing. Solid.
• Then we had the AE picnic. It was fun and crazy.
• Anthony, Taylor, Ben, and I went to the St. Gabes festival afterward and we made fun pf everyone that was there. And then we saw a sales associate of ours with a cowboy hat on.

People act strange. They bring up stuff you don't want to talk about in front of people that it isn't worth discussing; they ask someone if they're constantly mad at them when its obvious you're not; they get pissed off at the smallest things; but why?

just wanted to give an update on how screwed up my life has become:

all the random music that comes up on my iPod now is too painful to listen to, it reminds me of you.

i'm too good at hiding my pain. no one will ever know, no one.

here's music from lindsay, she likes this song and just bought the entire album, yayyy lindsay.

Somehow, I outsmart myself and look out for myself without even realizing it. How does this happen? Have I just trained myself to think a certain way and this behavior is just habit? Why, why, why?