Dear Blog,
I am so entirely sorry I have treated you badly and haven't updated you with anything...but the thing is is that I've moved on. You did me so well, I promise I'll still update when I get the chance, but for now Tumblr is just easier to post on. I'll try and link the two together so you don't feel so neglected. Blog, you helped me through the dark times to see the light...I promise I'll come back to you, I just need some space.
Wow, I just wrote a letter to my blog...can you say crazy?
xoxox
allison
In fact, screw texting and all the weird relationship-boundary lines it draws. Call me. Yeah, I said it. Call me. What’s so terrible about actually talking on the phone? If you call me it shows you’ve got a personality and that you can hold a conversation. It shows me that if we do hang out its not going to be completely awkward. If you call me, you’ve already secured yourself a spot above the texters who only text when they’re bored, want ass, or need a “convenient friend.” I dare you, next time you want to talk to someone, call them instead of texting. I get sick of playing these dumb little games with boys. Either you want to talk to me or you don’t, but please don’t go around saying you’re “talking with me” when I haven’t heard from you in five days. I get bored easily with the texting that goes back and forth because I’m comparing it to someone that was an incredibly interesting texter and now I’m down to the whole “Hey what’s up, what are you doing” texts. Come one boys, let your personality shine through and say something interesting. Hit on me, tell me something insanely funny, talk about something worthwhile with me. I don’t mind starting the conversation off with a “Hey, what’s up,” but don’t let the entire conversation drag on like a dull movie. Ask me what my favorite color is, let’s talk about movies, tell me about what you want to do with your life, let’s talk about my insane fears of cats and asians…anything to keep me interested and knowing that you’re actually worth taking a chance on. I want to look forward to hearing from you and not dreading your texts. Oh, and don’t text lyke dis, or us the whole “r u” letter scheme thing. It shows me that you’re either lazy or that you actually think the word is spelled like that.
I’ve always wanted the answers to everything, the final closure on every relationship, and the last word in every argument. Finally, the world’s getting cruel on me. It’s failed to give me closure on something that I thought was incredibly important and I’m finally realizing why. I don’t need to know why it happened or why it failed. I’m feeling that this is the world’s way of saying get the hell over it, it’s not worth another thought or another second of your time. The world’s trying to tell me how beautiful I am, how strong I am, how I don’t deserve this. It’s telling me to open up my eyes and see what good came of the situation. The world’s trying to be positive about it all. i don’t even know why I’m writing about this in general because it’s over. I’m over it. It’s just plain over and there’s no going back.
I guess we can all agree that life’s about choices; your choice was to end it all. My choice now, is to forget you and your silly games.It’s not worth another second of my day. Thanks world, for opening up my eyes and seeing the truth. Life’s not easy and doesn’t always present the answers clearly, sometimes not at all. When the answer’s aren’t there, it’s for a reason.
I'd like to see our roles reversed,
to watch you hang on every word,
I'd like to see you have your way.
I keep my grammar well rehearsed,
correct each stutter, every slur,
come on and have your way with me.
For reason unknown to me, I started thinking about second chances. Why we give them away like its no big deal? For me, you’ve gotta deserve a second chance and honestly, there are people out their that will never get another opportunity. Regardless of whether we’re talking about relationships or friendships, I’m a firm believer that you must work for a second chance. Nothing’s easy in life so why should you be able to mess up everything and expect a warm and welcome return? People have become so lax about letting things “slide” or just not caring…why?! If someone hurts you or messes you up so badly that they cause you pain, why are you letting them back in your life? They’re coming back because it’s convenient for them. They’re lonely, their last fling fizzled, they’re bored, oh the possibilities are endless as to why they want back in. But do me a favor, think twice before you let them back in. There was a reason it didn’t work out before and history has a way of repeating itself. Don’t treat second chances like they aren’t valuable, make that person work for it. No one deserves to have it easy after they’ve hurt you. It’s as simple as that.
That was the thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant I wished would last and last. But there was one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening. Right then…and every moment afterwards. Look, there. Now. Now. Now. What if our “forever” ends too soon? That question, along with numerous other ones, was asked in January with a few of my former best friends. We decided that there was so much we wanted to change about our lives, so much we wanted to accomplish and so much that we wanted to be that we needed to set a goal. This goal was a bucket list. It consisted of 150 “odds and ends” that we decided needed to be accomplished by the end of our senior year. We laughed while creating it, eating popcorn and debating which movie to watch. Some of the things listed were absolutely absurd, but the majority of them were completely reachable if we only worked just a little bit harder at what we wanted. They ranged from buying an easy bake oven to losing “it”. Honest to God, I believe that these 150 items were a checklist at finally living. Living our lives how we wanted to with no regard for the rules that life had selfishly imposed on us. We were so determined to go beyond the boundaries of our actual life that we picked things to accomplish that were supposed to be absurd. To me, that list defined our friendship, along with the smaller tidbits that made us who we were. I reached out to them last night, telling them that I found our bucket list. It seems to me that it brought us somewhat back to an understanding that even though our friendship didn’t weather the storm, they were still there. Call me crazy, but I’m finally starting again to believe that there is always a small ounce of goodness in someone. Regardless of the past and not looking towards the future, they, in that moment in time, came back. We acknowledged we didn’t even remember why it all happened. Just that it simply ended. Yes, that reasoning won’t take back all the tears that fell, all the days spent home from school attempting to sleep off my pain or even the numerous visits to Dr. Lang, but somehow it gave me closure on such a difficult time in my life. Our brilliant friendship was like the sun. It set and we were over, but as it rose we are slowly recognizing each other as people we want on our side when the world goes against us. I’d rather have you girls by my side than against me. After all we’ve been through, I think it’d break me. And for the record, let’s try the 150 again. Not necessarily together, but on our own. Let’s see what we can do before June 2011. I’ll unpin it from behind the numerous pictures and memories on my bulletin board in June. Here’s to a beautiful senior year.
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